Midnight Talk

oo, literal midnight ngayon at nagsusulat ako kasi may bigla lang akong naalalang linya mula sa movie na That Thing Called Tadhana. kahit pinapapak na ko ng lamok ngayon deadma lang basta gusto ko 'to masulat.

yung eksenang nagtanong si Mace (Angelica Panganiban) kung paano maka-move on, symepre dinamdam ko yun.

M: Paano ba makalimot?
A (JM De Guzman): Pwede kang uminom gabi gabi, pwede kang umiyak gabi gabi, pwede kang makipagdate kung kani-kanino, o pwede kang makahanap ng new love.


New love. Big word.

Yung pag-inom gabi gabi, halos nagawa ko rin yun. Di nga lang literal na gabi-gabi kasi walwal naman yun tsaka ang sakit sa atay nun ah. Mga every after 2  nights naman. chos.

Eto ang literal: yung pag-iyak gabi gabi. Sakit e.

Nakipag-date din ako. Mga more than 1 din yun.

Tapos pwede kang makahanap ng new love.... Eto inaabangan ko!!!! <3

Di naman ako nagmamadali. Pero hindi ko talaga inasahan na totoo pala yung sagot ni Anthony. Na effective pala yun para makalimot. Tsaka yung sinabi niya na wala naman sa tagal yun; kung hindi ka na niya mahal, hindi na talaga. Kahit hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung bakit talaga kami naghiwalay, pinatawad ko na siya kahit walang sorry. Ganun talaga e. Pero no regrets ako. True, nakakapanghinayang pero may mga tao talaga na darating sa buhay natin para lang magturo ng lesson at talagang dadaan lang sa buhay--kumbaga pansamantalang kaligayahan lang.

Basta abangers lang ako dun sa isa pang way na sinabi ni Anthony para makalimot!!! <3

Batis Aramin 2015

Spent Maundy Thursday-Black Saturday in Batis Aramin---a resort walking distance from Kamay ni Jesus in Lucban, Quezon.

buti pa ang bridge, may lambingan, hahaha chozz

prusisyon sa bayan ng Lucban

pabili po!!!

madlang people

night life sa bayan!

jump shot! haba ng hair ko chozzz.

medyo kinda tinamad ako magsulat today. but overall, i feel rested. :) after all the stressssssss, the OTs, the depression, and everything else....finally nakapag-unwind na rin with family :) and dahil summer na, which is my favorite season aside from Christmas, nakapag swimming na!!! more more swimming pa sana kahit di naman ako marunong mag swimming. hahaha!

Here's to more out of town this summer of 2015!!
And to a more fruitful life. Naks ano daw? :)

Firsts

Just this March, I've done a lot of firsts.

1. Hair dye

2. Ear pierce

3. Meet up with someone from online

4. Umangkas sa motor..........at bumyahe sa hiway!!! (one of my major fears talaga is mag motor sa hiway..... but i conquered!!!!)

5. Michelle's Goto!! The ever famous Michelle's sa Rosario (Pasig), first time ko natikman after so many failed attempts at visiting,finally nakatikim na!

I want to add more of course. YOLO lang ang peg? haha! But I realize, this is actually a great and fun way to keep myself distracted. :)

A Letter To The Person Who Didn't Give Me The Love That I Deserve | Elaine Bradford

I will not fall for you all at once. No, I will fall for you gradually--falling for the little things. Like the way you laugh mid kiss sometimes, and look at me like you can't believe what is happening. Or the way you reach over in your still sleep-fogged state and pull me close to you as if you cannot keep me close enough. Or simply the way you look at me when we laugh; laughing with you is my favorite. It's like looking directly into your core and seeing how truly vulnerable you can be; laughing with me yet hoping I won't break your heart. But what you don't know is that I could never break your heart, because it is the most beautiful thing about you.

I remember the day you asked me my top pet peeves before listing yours. You said these were your only deal breakers. They were off the wall and nothing close to what I expected, but they were yours--they were part of you--they made you who you are. Opening up to reveal your vulnerabilities says a lot about you. I always saw the fierce uniqueness burning brightly in you, but your list illuminated that even more. I was hooked.

What I so badly wanted to see is that I am the girl who will be there for you when you need reminding how amazing you are, because life has you convinced otherwise. The girl who will cherish any time spent with you, simply because it is a chance to be near you. I'm the girl who will make you homemade chicken noodle soup from scratch when you're not feeling well. I'm the girl who will believe you when you say you want to "take things slow" to give us the chance at having something real. But I'm also the girl who will stand up for herself instead of being walked on.

I guess no answer is answer enough. I'm not important enough to warrant a simple, quick text saying you're not up for hanging out? I'm not important enough to stick around and wonder where this is going, because the answer is clearly a resounding "nowhere". It echoes off the walls built by the silence you have placed between us so many weeks ago now. I'm done waiting for a response, convincing myself that somewhere--even in the far back of your mind--is a thought of me that will ring through as if someone tapped a fingernail on a crystal glass. A clear sound to ripple to the front of your consciousness and remind you I'm standing by...but I'll stand by no more.

I deserve to be happy...but so do you. Waiting around for something to never happen only promotes the stagnation of life, progression--it halts the future and what it has in store. What so many others our age forget to remember is this: love isn't simply choosing to spend your life with someone. It is waking up every day and making the daily choice to spend the rest of your life with them. Love isn't passive, it's an action---a daily choice. It's perpetual.

But the most important kind of love is the kind we most often neglect: self love. I gave that up in my desperate search for love from you, and I lost sight of who I am and what makes me happy. So instead of sitting around waiting for a text from you that will probably never come, I'm choosing myself every day. To wake up and remind myself that I am strong, and worthy of being loved the way I wanted to love you. Someday, I will get that kind of love from another person, someone capable of allowing me to love them.

And so since I know you will never read this letter, I hope someone--somewhere is able to learn from my misgivings and at the very least, love themselves again. I hope it as much for a stranger as I wish it for you. But I also hope that you remember being forgotten, like me, by so many potential lovers before me. Please love yourself again.

Dear reader: you're beautiful, amazing, and worthy of so much love. Please don't ever forget that...but if you do, I hope you also remember to love yourself first. Because nothing will make you happier than doing what is best for yourself. Be happy, Be free, Be loved.

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Source: ThoughtCatalog

Feeling critic!

Nung pinanood ko yung That Thing Called Tadhana, damang-dama ko si Mace (Angelica Panganiban). Ramdam na ramdam ko lahat ng hugot niya. Feel na feel ko yung pagka-wasak ko. Parang nginudngod ng movie sa pagmumukha ko yung fact na wala na kami, naglaho na lang lahat, tapos na talaga. Ang sakit nun. 

Pero nung pinanood ko naman yung Fifty Shades of Grey, parang gusto ko ulit magmahal. Parang ang sarap kiligin ulit. Namiss ko yung moments na patago ka na lang ngingiti kasi ayaw mong mahalata nung lalake sa harapan mo na gustung-gusto mo siya. Tapos syempre may kaakibat na intimate moments yan. Yun. Nakakamiss din yun.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung anong gusto kong gawin. Hahaha! Sa isang banda, aaminin ko, nalulungkot pa rin ako. May kirot pa rin. Minsan napapaisip pa rin ako, saan ba ako nagkulang? Ano bang dapat kong ginawa para hindi sana nauwi sa ganito? Pero minsan hinihintay ko na lang matapos yung ganyang tanungan sa utak/puso ko tapos, ngingiti na lang ako. Para kunwari masaya na ako. 

Pero gusto ko rin umakyat sa Baguio--parang yung ginawa ni Mace. Tapos sisigaw din ako sa tuktok. Tapos maiiyak. Gusto ko rin yung natulog lang sa damuhan (may nakalatag naman na kumot, syempre). Tapos mag-wi-wish din ako sa shooting star na sana hindi ko na siya mahalin. Tapos pagbalik ko sa bahay nandun siya, humihingi ng tawad, makikipagbalikan. Ay pucha di ko pa kaya.

Pero sa isang banda, gusto ko rin yung naranasan ni Anastasia Steele. First time niya ma-inlove. Kakaibang feeling kaya yun. Tapos napaka-all out ni Christian Grey. Biruin mo, binigyan siya ng Mac na laptop tapos kotse! Pinasakay pa sa helicopter habang nag-ro-"roadtrip" sa himpapawid. Alam ko naman 0.00005 % lang ang chance para makakilala ng ganung klaseng lalake dito sa Pinas, or sa Maynila specifically, pero gets? Yung feeling na sobrang special ka sa isang lalake. Ita-trato ka niyang prinsesa o reyna.

In the end, hindi ko pa rin alam. Nagpapaka-feeling kritiko lang ako. Wasak e.

Nothing good happens after 2am

I never used to believe in forever;

But I was there when you said it.

You used to be my knight in shining armor,

But hey it's 2015.

But I don't think it would hurt to wear a real armor.

We used to be inseparable;

I really don't know what happened.

You used to take me to places;

Now, I take myself to places.

We used to be so happy;

And now I'm crying.

We used to exchange vows;

Now we're deleting those vows.

We made plans for our future,

I guess it's all part of the past.

You used to be my boyfriend;

But now, you're just a boy...hardly my friend.

Someday, if not you, someone will make me believe, again,

In always and forever.

Ang Kapangyarihan Ng Wika (Liham)

mula sa libro ni Bebang Siy-- It's Raining Mens.

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Kinakabahan ako habang ginagawa ang sulat na ito para sa iyo. Hindi ba't sa mga salita nagsisimula ang lahat? Ang pagkilala, ang pag-unawa, ang pag-ibig, maging ang buhay? Gayunpaman, sa salita rin nagsisimula ang pagkawasak, ang katapusan, ang pamamaalam. Ano at pinupuno ko pa rin ng mga salita ang papel na ito?

Tatlong dahilan.

Una, humihingi ako ng tawad. Sa lahat ng kirot na naidulot ko sa iyo, patawad. Nakakalungkot na nagkatagpo tayo sa panahong pinoproblema ko ang aking direksiyon. Marami akong gusto at di gusto. Ito. Iyan. Iyon at marami pang iba. Pero pagpihit naman ng hangin, pumipihit din ang aking isip. Iba na naman ang gusto at di ko gusto. Nadamay ka at nasugatan sa pinakamadugong riot sa buhay ko: ang riot na kinasasangkutan ng kontrabida/goon/kalaban na kung tawagin ay sarili.

Alam kong maraming pagkakataong umasa ka sa happy endings, sa mga posibilidad nating dalawa kung tayo ay magkakasama. Isa sa mga dahilan niyan ay ang mga binitawan kong salita sa iyo. Huwag mo sanang isipin na nang binitawan ko ang mga salitang ito ay may intensyon akong paasahin ka't saktan. Wala, maniwala ka, wala akong intensyong ganyan, pero nangyayari talaga na minsan, hindi nagdudugtong ang realidad at mga salitang binitawan. Kahit ako, dismayadong-dismayado sa sarili. Inihihingi ko ng tawad ito. Sakaling sumugal ka ng libo-libong pag-asa sa ating dalawa, patawad.

Ikalawa, nagpapasalamat ako sa mga ginawa mo para sa akin. Hindi ako sigurado kung ikatutuwa mo nga itong sasabihin ko pero sasabihin ko na rin. Tingin ko'y walang nasayang na sandali sa relasyong ito. Marami akong natuklasan, naunawaan at nadama. At naniniwala akong ganon din ang naranasan mo. Kaya hindi man maganda ang kinahinatnan ng lahat, nananalangin ako na sana mas matingkad sa alaala mo ang tuwang naibigay ng relasyong namagitan sa atin. It was really extraordinary, aminin mo man o hindi. Kahit ako na mas marami nang relasyong pinagdaanan ay hindi pa nakakaranas nito. Kaya muli, salamat. Salamat.

Ikatlo, magpapaalam ako. Hindi ko alam kung pagkabasa ng sulat na ito, gugustuhin mo pa akong maging kaibigan o kahit man lang kausap. Pero sa tingin ko, hindi na mahalagang malaman kung gusto mo pa akong maging kaibigan o kahit man lang kausap. Sa puntong ito at sa ikapapayapa ng kalooban nating dalawa, ang mahalaga na lang ay masabi ng isa sa atin ang salitang paalam.